Watch Over Your Heart

Have you ever been in a situation when you really felt like you were the victim and acted on it, but later on realized that you’ve turned into the aggressor?

I had problems with one of our household help. She had an attitude, would get into fights with other helps, didn’t do her job properly. It’s also hard to ask her to do something, and I often felt like having to walk on eggshells whenever I’m around her. Whenever I ask her to do something in her job description (that in the first place I didn’t have to ask if she does her job properly), she would pretend like she didn’t hear it or act like she’s doing me a favor. I was really thinking about letting her go, but I didn’t have the power to do it because she wasn’t directly under me.

Then I read Psalms 140-142. The lines that struck me in Psalm 140 were:

 

Psalm 140: 1-3,8,11-12:

1 Rescue me, Lord, from evildoers;
    protect me from the violent,
2 who devise evil plans in their hearts
    and stir up war every day.
3 They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s;
    the poison of vipers is on their lips.

8 Do not grant the wicked their desires, Lord;
    do not let their plans succeed.

11 May slanderers not be established in the land;
    may disaster hunt down the violent.

12 I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor
    and upholds the cause of the needy.

 

I was really surprised that I felt convicted and guilty about my feelings towards our help. Before this, I really felt righteous and the victim. Now after reflecting on it, I’ve realized that I’ve turned into the violent men described in Psalms. Why? I’ve always thought that I was being gracious to our help because I didn’t try to clash with her, I was the one adjusting. When normally I would have said what’s on my mind, I kept quiet. But the problem was I didn’t let go of the negative feelings I felt, and they grew. Before I read the verses above, I reprimanded her for not doing something (one of only a few times I corrected her which, now that I thought about it, might be wrong because how can she improve if we’re not telling her what she’s doing wrong?). I wasn’t shouting, I was actually near calm, but I could feel the anger boiling in me. Verse 2 “Who devise evil things in their hearts;They continually stir up wars” spoke to me. I felt God admonishing me, telling me to be careful and take a closer look at what’s in my heart. The emotions that I felt started from confusion (What are you talking about? Am I not the victim here??), to horror (Have I been doing other small things that showed anger towards her? Haven’t I been thinking of the many reasons why we should let her go? Have I been one-sided, not thinking about her situation and placing myself in her shoes?), and finally to thankfulness. 

Thankfulness. Isn’t our God a great, faithful and gracious God? He doesn’t stop at giving His one and only Son, Jesus, to save us from our sins. He even helps us and guides us in our walk with Him. He loves us so much, that He sent the Holy Spirit to convict us whenever we do something or think of something that is not pleasing to Him. He’s there to help us correct our hearts and move it to the direction of God. We just have to always pray for Him to work in us and accept His kind words wholeheartedly, may it be through His Word or through the people He used to send His message.

 

Psalm 141:3-5

3 Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;
    keep watch over the door of my lips.
4 Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil
    so that I take part in wicked deeds
along with those who are evildoers;
    do not let me eat their delicacies.

5 Let a righteous man strike me—that is a kindness;
    let him rebuke me—that is oil on my head.
My head will not refuse it,
    for my prayer will still be against the deeds of evildoers.

Hold On To God and Pray

I recently willingly went into a situation with God’s guidance. This is a situation that I knew for sure was going to be a challenge for me. This situation will test my faith in God to provide for us financially, to guide me in what I am kind of entering into blindly, and to send the Holy Spirit to work in me and improve on my patience, let go of myself and fully trust Him.

Just a few days into this situation, I felt really helpless and expected to fail anytime soon.

It is in these situations though that we should be more careful and vigilant of where we’ll run to. Normally, I would run to books (feel good), movies, my husband, my parents, then finally think of ways to get out of this situation.

But God is a good and faithful God, He knows what avenue would make me listen most, and he reminded me through it that in all situations, especially in the dire ones when what you normally would have done is run away from God in shame, you run to Him and pray.

Prayer, for me, is challenging. Whenever people ask me to start a meeting or meal with a prayer, I freeze up and babble all throughout, not giving the Holy Spirit a chance to work in me. But prayer is very important. It’s our way of talking to God, telling Him what’s in our hearts, and lifting up to Him all our concerns, the general and specific ones.

 

Here are 5 Ways that Helped Me Jumpstart My Prayer Life

Be intentional

A friend once told me that she always tried to have conversations with Him, especially during her lull moments. She reminded me that we always have to be intentional, to seek Him every moment we can. Decide today that you want to be fully dependent on Him and lift up everything to Him. Be conscious all throughout the day of your first impulse when you have free time, and commit them to talking to Him.

Learn from the Master of Prayers: Jesus

If you’ve read the life of Jesus, you’ll notice that no matter how busy He is, He always makes time for prayer. He also gave concrete tips for praying:

Matthew 6:5-15  “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.  But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.  And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.  Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

“This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
 Give us today our daily bread.
 And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one.’”

Luke 11:1-4 One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.”

He said to them, “When you pray, say:

“‘Father,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins,
    for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.
And lead us not into temptation.’”

Just Say What’s in Your Heart

This is God we’re talking to. He already knows what’s in our hearts before we even realize it. I always find it easier and comforting to just tell Him how I feel and to ask Him to direct my heart on what should matter. I also always find myself asking for guidance from the Holy Spirit, that He may work in me.

Keep a Prayer Journal 

I used to think that a prayer journal is not necessary in my walk with God. I was so wrong. Remember how most productivity gurus would recommend writing everything down on paper so you won’t forget them? Prayer journals work the same way. They’re important because they serve as reminders for you of what you prayed for and God’s answers to them. Sometimes, we don’t see right away that God has already been answering our prayers. It’s during re-reading our prayer journals that we see the answers and multiple confirmations through His word.

Prayer journals also serve as our resource for witnessing. I personally also need it for this purpose. Sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget the great things He has done for me. I’m happy I have my prayer journal to remind me of my struggles with sin and how He always picked me up and carried me through my struggles. Now I get my elevator pitches of how God worked in my life from my prayer journal.

Always Pray Through Our Mediator, Jesus

Before Jesus, people had to go through a lot of rituals every time they sin. I got overwhelmed when I read them in Leviticus. But now, we only have to confess our sins to Him and truly accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, and we’re saved. Just that. Nothing more. No good works, no trying to redeem ourselves. Of course the proof of our true acceptance is a changed life, but we’ll talk about that in another post. What I want to say is that we don’t have to go through others, to ask for intercession, to talk to God. We can go directly to Him, through Jesus Christ. [John 14:6 “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”] 

Lastly, I would just like to remind you and me to keep our focus on God. It is during the times we divert our focus from Him that we get in trouble and see all the problems that the enemy wants us to pay attention to. So let’s be careful and intentionally keep our focus on Him. [Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.]